nature

oceans, mountains, deserts, rain.

streets, buildings, cars, and pain.

sun, leaves, water, sky.

waitng patiently until we die.

smiles, tears, love, hate.

love, sex, procreate.

missing piece for internal peace...

never forget me. im still here.

up and down

im poor. i dont care. i feel rich.

im struggling more and more everyday, but i grow and i grow. it feels like im chasing the carrot at the end of the stick and im getting tired of chasing it.

it will be ok, though. soon i will be able to taste it. and when i do, it is going to be just as sweet as ive imagined it.

forget the rest of the non believers. the brainwashed and the lame can continue their life of contentment as they know it.

ive only got one life. and through its ups and downs, im going to make it worthwhile.

Strange Feelings

Where did you go?

What happened?

Before I knew it, things had drastically changed and now I find myself strong but confused.

How many of these moments must we have? Oh time traveling machine, will you be the cure-all for the inevitable regrets that people have?

Amongst the other insomniacs of the world, I sit here with a pot of coffee at IHOP... wondering... wishing... hoping..

I have a desire to start fresh.

I see myself in another city. Far away from this treacherous pit that I've grown so accustomed to. I can start fresh.

I want to go somewhere I don't belong.

A place where I can focus.

A place where I can forget bad memories and start a new life.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Albert Einstein once said, "you cannot solve a problem with the same state of mind that created it."

With that said, the first step I have to take is to get out of my current state of mind. I need to figure out how to get out of here, but for that, I cannot have any familiar surroundings.

I am going to isolate myself. It's gonna suck, I just know it.

Here's to a brand spanking-new beginning!

No Distractions

I'm sitting in Starbucks, hundreds of miles from home. I realize this is the best antidote for procrastination. I have nothing else to do here but to work. I can see the goals around the corner. They are near. I am happy.

Feeling Funky

Man, I am feeling funky! I mean, I'm in a funk!

I think it comes and goes. It usually lasts a couple weeks.

The days are long, yet the progress is little. I maintain an odd social connection to the world through peculiar interactions with friends... and strangers, too. It's a blur.

There's an abundance of distractions. It isn't fun.

There are few things that remain constant, though. However, for the most part there are several things that change.

Things are weird. Time is slow and time is fast... that isn't normal.

interesting time spent in my head...

He asks, "let's snap out of this social auto pilot."

She giggles.

He continues, "let's break out the norm, c'mon!"

She stares with curiosity... and that's how it went.

Back in the game, 2 years later...

A phase of sobriety and solitude has its perks.

I went out for the first time in a long time. I'm 2 months sober and I'm feeling great!

I worked hard today, real hard. A day as great as today deserves a great ending. So I went out, and before I knew it, I was surrounded by a lovely group of ladies.

I looked deep into her eyes--I'm a sucker for eyes--and she seemed to connect to me almost instantly. Of course, I didn't recognize this immediately. I noticed, what I should have noticed immediately, a little late (not too late, though).  This is the story of my life.

Sometimes a second is all that matters. After that second passes, the "what if's" start. I hate the "what if's." I bet 'the most interesting man in the world' never asks "what if?..."

No more "what if's" for me

"the thoughts that never bloom..."

It's weird. Sometimes I have thoughts that never bloom. I think we all have these. They're those thoughts that linger on, but they never turn into action. It can be about anything.

Sometimes the same thoughts repeat, yet they are doomed to be the thoughts that never bloom. They will never see the day of light and in turn, you will never see what could have been.

I'm going to take some action. Don't you think we all should?

This is one of those moments.